This morning i ran ... nothing unusual, i run 4 or 5 days a week. I hunted down a pair of socks (my running socks are left & right footed & i always have an issue finding a pair), pulled on the requisite outfit based on weather conditions & laced up my sneakers, bundled Jacob into the car & headed for base. We generally run on the flight line, they have a dedicated track which is great for the stroller & i find it so peaceful out there. I think there's something ironic in that, a place where planes take off & land, where engines can be heard running at all hours & our course the cars driving round the perimeter road. But the wildlife & the space & the planes bring a sense of peace to me.
I guess that's why i run ... because i find peace out there. Whether i am running with friends, hashing out the problems of the world or alone with just my music & the voices in my head i always finish feeling renewed & energized. Your body loosens up, the muscles stretch out & you find your stride ... it's a feeling of freedom & strength.
But today i didn't feel that ... i forgot my music ... & the head winds were crazy ... & then there was my body, it just felt awkward & ragged like something was missing. & then i realized what was wrong, there was no sense of peace, no feeling like i was at one with everything around me just anger. Anger than someone could have taken this away from so many people.
The running community is both huge & tiny at the same time ... 6 degrees of separation doesn't even stand a chance. & in the past 48 hours i felt so many emotions, gratitude that some of those i love the most weren't in Boston, an immense sadness for the events of Monday afternoon & disbelief that someone could do this.
Runners don't care about your religion, your race or your sexuality, we don't care where you consider home, your gender or your age. In fact we don't even care whether you can run a 7 minute mile or a 12 minute mile because you are runner. You share a small smile with that stranger you pass running in the street, & there are those who push your through the finish line of your first 5k or half marathon. The friends who get up at 0600 in the middle of winter or pouring rain even when you both want to be tucked up in bed. & the 8 minute milers who stay by your side ever step of a long run supporting despite the fact they could have left your ass a long way back.
I am angry that someone tried to take this away from us ... stole some of what we love & replaced it with pain. Angry that innocent lives were taken & that people will never be able to find that peace again when out on the road or through the woods & along the beach. I am angry about the world my son is going to grow up in where violence comes easier than talking. That a simple moment of joy can be ruined for nothing.
I am writing this simple because i need to get it out my system, because i need to find my own sense of peace again in something that has brought me friendship, made me stronger both physically & mentally & makes me happy.